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Bring Back the Duel

October 1, 2017

Former Cong. Tom Price resigned his appointment as Secretary of Health and Human Services because it was discovered that he abused his office by travelling on charter and military aircraft to the tune of about one million dollars.

These acts were contrary to his reputation as a fiscal conservative, so we must conclude that he was a liar.

Historically, when a public figure was called a liar, he could seek satisfaction by demanding a duel with the offending party.

That there are a great many liars in Congress may explain the election of a celebrity like Donald Trump. So many candidates for the GOP presidential nomination were liars that voters chose a non-politician.

Clearly, the Congress of the United States is due for a good house-cleaning and legalization of the duel is one solution.

If called a “liar,” a member of Congress should be permitted to seek satisfaction by challenging his accuser to a duel.

Rules will have to be established, of course. Calling a politician an adulterer, fornicator or homosexual would put too many Members at risk. Only crimes related to public service may be grounds for duels. Wives of Members should be permitted to challenge their husbands to a duel. That will lower drinking and opioid abuse by spouses. A clean kill is a healthier option.

Nor may a Member challenge a Cabinet or Agency head to a duel–until he or she resigns. And, of course, no one may challenge a sitting President to a duel. Vice Presidents not included.

A school for dueling should be chartered so that Members may practice dueling skills and types of arms should be limited to .38 caliber revolvers, though the Colt .45 may have historic value and possibly pocket pistols like the Derringer. But, this will have to be sorted out by Committee, possibly Ways and Means or Armed Services, but not the House Foreign Affairs Committee.

 

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