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My Fictional Donald Trump

March 3, 2021

A Fictional Donald Trump (FDT) Answers Questions posed by his defender John Zmirak.

Do We Want Trump to Run Again? The Top 10 Questions to Ask in His Job Interview

  1. Why didn’t you, as promised, “lock her up?” Why did Hillary Clinton and her team skate on all those apparent violations of law? Where was the investigation of the Clinton Foundation, which harvested all that Russian cash? Her email breaches and cover-up?

FDT:  Face it, I don’t know how to do that.

  1.  Once the Russiagate hoax showed you the Democrats were playing hardball, why’d you keep playing t-ball? How do we know that won’t happen again, if you win?

FDT:  I was compromised by photos of me with prostitutes taken when in Moscow for the Miss Universe Pagent. That’s what Putin has on me.

  1. Why did you hire one Swamp Creature after another, and leave the Deep State in place?

FDT:  I was not a movement conservative and had no idea whom to appoint except former Generals, Admirals and billionaires.

  1. If you tell me that you couldn’t find better alternatives, I’m sorry that’s not good enough. We will need to find someone who can. How will you hire differently next time? What sources will you trust?

FDT:  I learned that lesson and will rely on Larry Kudlow, Art Laffer and Melania.

  1. Joe Biden just demanded the resignations of every US attorney in the country, as Barack Obama did. Why didn’t you? Why leave all those Democrat picks in place?

FDT:  I didn’t know I could do that.

  1. At the end of your term, you signed a bunch of excellent executive orders, on issues from asylum abuse to teaching America’s founding principles. Why weren’t those in your first 100 days, instead of your last? No Democrats wait that long. What’s wrong with us?

FDT:  Only in the 4th year of my Term did I realize how deep is the “Deep State”

  1. Why did you listen to Mike Pence instead of General Flynn? Are you going to fire the aides who suggested you pick a long list of people, from General Kelly, to Nikki Haley, to Bill Barr? They’re not your friends, or America’s.

FDT:  Those were my calls, except for Pence who was my son in law’s choice.

  1. After the Russia Hoax exploded, why didn’t you act much more aggressively to purge the FBI that cooked it up?

FDT:  Look, I was learning on the job and thought J. Edgar was still alive.

  1. Why didn’t you make your signature issue, immigration, the focus of legislation when the GOP still controlled Congress? How would the first two years of a Jeb Bush administration have been any different than your first two?

FDT:  I should  have done that but the GOP is overwhelmed by “white guilt” and wouldn’t have backed me.  As for Jeb, he advocated a first strike against Iran. I kept us out of war!

  1. Where did the money go? The $617 million that Brad Parscale allegedly mishandled, while pulling down ads in swing states just before the 2020 election? Is Jared Kushner still working with Parscale? Non-partisan groups assert that the money was funneled via shell corporations to members of your family. We’d like to know where that money your supporters donated — from their paychecks, these aren’t big corporate gifts — ended up. The IRS and FEC will want to know too. How will you stop that from blowing up in the press just a few news cycles before a general election?

FDT:  I can’t. My company and my Foundation are “dirty” and I’m going to be indicted in New York and in the Federal District Court for Manhattan.

  1. What will you do to destroy the media and tech monopolies that are stifling free speech? Will you flout GOP orthodoxy and use antitrust powers to break them up? Or else what’s the point of winning an election in the first place, if the power still resides with the Democrats?

We thank you for your service to the country, Mr. Trump. If you can answer these concerns adequately, I think we can

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